By: Drs. McMullin, Taylor, and Calhoon
1. Validate the “Holiday Gap”
Our expectations of the holidays and reality often don’t match. The often massive gap between our expectations and reality creates emotional friction that can increase loneliness. Whether you are in a room full of people and feeling as though no one understands you or you are spending the holidays by yourself. The story we’ll tell ourselves can either amplify or pacify our emotional state.
The Move: Acknowledge feeling lonely without judging it. Journal to explore the story you are telling yourself about your loneliness. Take a break, come back to what you wrote and challenge if your story is increasing loneliness or decreasing it.
2. Guard Your Digital Borders
Social media is a highlight reel on overdrive during December. Photo dumps of parties, family gatherings, and elaborate traditions can quietly fuel comparison and self-doubt. When we scroll, our brains tend to fill in the blanks, assuming everyone else is happier and more connected than us. Even brief scrolling during this time can leave you feeling more depleted, lonely, or behind, especially if you’re already navigating grief, financial stress, or estrangement. Paying attention to how social media makes you feel, and adjusting your use accordingly, is a form of self-care, not disconnection. You’re allowed to step back from anything that leaves you feeling worse rather than supported.
Pro Tip: Try a “Holiday Mute.” If certain posts spark comparison or self-criticism, muting keywords or accounts can be a simple act of self-care (To do this on either Facebook or Instagram, go to settings and click Hidden Words and add in any words, phrases, or emojis you want to mute). Adding a scroll limit can also help reduce mental overload.
We’ve all seen the commercials: families in matching pajamas, friends clinking glasses at crowded parties, and a general sense that everyone is part of a “we.” But if your reality looks more like the Grinch sitting in his recliner, holiday cheer can feel less like a hug and more like rotten eggnog.
If you’re feeling a profound sense of loneliness right now, the kind that makes you feel like you’re on the outside looking in, you aren’t “failing” at the holidays. You’re human. And honestly? You’re definitely not the only one feeling this way. Here’s how to navigate the isolation and preserve your last nerve when the world feels less like a cozy Whoville moment and more like the nonstop noise of the Who Christmas parade.
3. Lean into “Low-Stakes” Connection
When you’re profoundly lonely, the idea of “going to a party” can feel impossible. Instead, aim for “micro-connections.”
The Text: Send one “thinking of you” text to someone you haven’t talked to in a while. No pressure for a long convo.
The “Third Space”: Spend an hour at a library or a coffee shop. Just being in the presence of other humans (without the pressure to interact) can lower the intensity of isolation.
Resources for the Heavy Days
If the loneliness feels less like a “funk” and more like a heavy fog you can’t see through, please reach out. You don’t have to carry this by yourself.
Crisis & Immediate Support
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (available 24/7 in the US and Canada) for free, confidential support.
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a volunteer Crisis Counselor.
- The Friendship Line (60+): If you are an older adult or a caregiver, call 1-800-971-0016. It’s the only 24/7 toll-free hotline for older adults.
- SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1-800-662- HELP (4357)
Community & Connection
- NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness): They offer peer-led support groups that are often virtual and free.
- The Dinner Party: A community for people (20s-40s) who have experienced loss and are navigating life (and holidays) after grief.
- Meetup.com: Search for “Holiday Orphans” or “Solo Travelers” groups in your city. Many people organize casual dinners for those without local plans.
Bottom Line: You are more than a holiday. This season is a square on the calendar, not a definition of your worth. Be kind to yourself today. We’re rooting for you!
4. Build Your Own “Micro-Traditions”
If the big traditions aren’t happening this year, reclaim the day by creating a “Micro-Tradition.” These Micro-Traditions don’t have to be joyful or Instagram-worthy. They just have to feel like something you chose – your own small, steady way of marking the season.
The Cinema Marathon: Pick a holiday comfort series and commit fully. Think Home Alone, Harry Potter, The Holiday, The Grinch, or that one made-for-TV movie where everyone somehow owns a candle business. Build a couch nest and relax in stories where the lights are warm and everything works out by the final credits. There’s comfort in knowing exactly what’s coming and letting your nervous system rest in that predictability for a few hours.
The Gourmet “Me” Meal: Make the thing you associate with the season but rarely bother with otherwise. Maybe it’s cookies from scratch, a nostalgic family recipe, an unnecessarily fancy hot chocolate, or our pot pie recipe that takes a little time and a lot of love but always delivers. This isn’t about impressing anyone. It’s about recreating a sensory memory through warmth, familiar flavors, and the quiet message that “I’m worth the time.” Light a candle. Plate it nicely. Yes, even if you’re in sweatpants.
The Solo Walk: Take a quiet walk through a neighborhood with lights, a calm park, or anywhere that feels slower than the rest of the world. You don’t need to process anything or have a breakthrough. Just walk. Physical movement shifts your brain chemistry, lowering stress hormones and increasing feel-good ones, even if you’re only out for 15-minutes and mildly annoyed the entire time.