by Drs. McMullin, Taylor, & Calhoon
Starting a new job. Becoming a parent. Moving to a new city. Ending a relationship. Even good changes, the ones you chose and wanted, can leave you feeling off balance. If you've ever felt anxious, foggy, or strangely unlike yourself during a big life shift, here's the good news: that's not a sign something is wrong with you. It's your brain doing exactly what it's built to do.
Why change feels harder than it should
Your brain loves predictability. Familiar routines let it run on autopilot, saving energy for the things that matter. So when life changes, even in small ways, your brain has to update its whole internal map. That takes extra attention and energy, which is why you might feel more tired, distracted, or on edge than usual during a transition. You're not falling behind. You're recalibrating.
Interestingly, this recalibration often starts before the change even happens. Your brain tries to get ahead of uncertainty by running through possible outcomes, which is why the anticipation of a transition can sometimes feel harder than the transition itself.
You might also notice everyday tasks take more brainpower than they used to. That's not a dip in ability. It's your brain temporarily reallocating resources toward adapting. Think of it like a phone running a big software update in the background: everything still works, it just runs a little slower for a bit.
The messy middle is the hardest part, and that's normal
The most disorienting stretch of any transition is usually the in-between: the old way of doing things no longer fits, but the new way hasn't clicked yet. If you're someone who likes to feel competent and in control, this phase can be genuinely uncomfortable. It's easy to mistake that discomfort for failure. It isn't. It's just proof that growth is underway.
It's also completely normal to feel more than one thing at once: excited and anxious, confident and doubtful, hopeful and unsure. Your brain is weighing both the promise and the risk of the change, and that can feel contradictory. It's not a mixed-up reaction. It's a complete one.
The upside nobody tells you about
Here's the part that often gets left out: transitions aren't just destabilizing, they're also an opening. Because your usual patterns are already being shaken loose, your brain is unusually receptive to building new habits and new ways of thinking. A stretch of change, uncomfortable as it is, is one of the best windows you'll get to build something better than what you had before.
What actually helps
You can't skip the discomfort of a transition, but you can move through it with a lot more ease. A few things that make a real difference:
Anchor yourself with small, predictable rituals. When everything else feels in flux, a consistent morning routine, a regular workout, or a standing coffee with a friend gives your nervous system something steady to hold onto.
Name what you're feeling instead of fighting it. Anxiety, fog, and irritability during a transition aren't malfunctions. Simply recognizing "this is my brain adapting" can take some of the charge out of it.
Lower the bar for yourself, on purpose. If tasks feel harder than usual right now, that's expected. Give yourself permission to do good-enough work while you're in the thick of it, rather than holding yourself to your pre-transition standard.
Expect the mixed feelings. You don't have to resolve the excitement-and-anxiety combo. Both can be true at once, and neither one cancels the other out.
Build in a little control where you can. When you didn't choose the change, look for small decisions that are still yours to make: how you structure your day, who you lean on, what you say no to. A sense of agency, even a small one, eases the stress response.
Watch for your old patterns showing up louder. If you tend toward overthinking, perfectionism, or avoidance, transitions tend to turn the volume up on those tendencies. Catching this early is useful information, not a red flag.
Give it time, on purpose. The instability doesn't resolve because you force clarity. It resolves because you let your brain and body adjust at their own pace, while you keep showing up.
The bottom line
Feeling unsteady during a transition doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means your brain is doing exactly what it's designed to do: taking apart what no longer fits and building something new in its place. With a little patience and the right support, that in-between phase isn't just something to survive. It's where real growth happens.